In the Middle of Creating: Marilyn

I almost settled on calling the wedding dress Madisson after the mermaid in Splash.  I also received great name suggestions from Facebook friends, but the bride spoke and named her Marilyn. She said it's because the silhouette reminds her of when Marilyn Monroe performs "Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend" in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and because she is sassy and well-loved.

I suppose Marilyn is fitting.  After all it is a white dress Marilyn is wearing in that iconic scene from 7-Year Itch, right?  And from what I understand Marilyn (and, well, every single female on the planet, I'm sure) battled some insecurities during her life. . . or maybe I'm just projecting.  Yeah, I'm probably just projecting.

At times I'm really afraid this dress is going to be terrible, an utter failure.  Other times I can't believe how beautiful it is and is showing it's going to be.  Then I flop back into the worry of if it will be good enough.  Even with all the very awesome and wonderful friends/cheerleaders that have rallied and rooted me on (yeah, you, all you reading this), at the end of it all it is me that has to overcome those feelings.  No matter how hard my friends, husband, the bride, my mother cheer me on I am the one who has to believe it and act on that belief.

Here's the thing, the really frustrating thing:  No one ever told me that I couldn't sew or that my skills were shitty and worse than amateur.  No one ever told me I "couldn't".  Nobody.  In fact through all of my training I never got less than and A on any of my projects.  I received praise after praise.  I got straight A's in all of my clothing/fashion classes and received high honors!  So these insecurities, these doubts, they come from inside me alone.  They are all manifestations from inside my own head.

I've realized for many many years that, just as everyone else has to do in their own lives, I am the one who will need to make use of that encouragment.  I am the one who has to use that to move ahead and over those doubts, insecurities, and occasional depression.  I can only hope I can offer my own encouragement to you guys when you need it, too.

And so without further ado - have some pictures:

To be equipped for success, not only do you need positive people around you (or communicating with you via the internet), you need a plan.  This is my plan complete with technical terms such as "boobie fluff" (I'm looking at you, T, hah.)  As of today about half of these boxes have been checked off:

 

 

You also equip yourself with whatever helps you focus.  For me it happens to be drinking tea out of a vampire mug and finding encouraging or spurring scriptures next to the sewing machine.  Sometimes it's simply white-knuckled prayer.  I'm not a very good spiritual or religious person anymore so... well, whatever... here:

 

Next, you do what you love, with love, and it comes out best:

However.... Shhhh!  Don't tell anyone!!! Even if you make a minor mistake while doing what you love, you press on.

You press on.  Literally.  With an iron.  So the fabric takes shape.

And for Christ's sake, don't be afraid of stuff you've never dealt with 'cause it might actually not be so bad. You may be given all the tools and help you need... and sometimes miracles happen.  I was so afraid tulle (AKA: The Devil's Fabric) was going to be HELL but it's actually not that bad.  It's probably one of the easier things to sew actually.  I found the airy and fluffy shape it took to be... good for my mental.  (I think I actually want to make some little girl ballerina tutus when this is all done. I got 40 yards of this stuff!!)

And remember: In any challenge there might be cuts, scrapes, bruises.  Sometimes even blood.  I stabbed myself with the seam ripper.  It was one of those pinches "ow."  Until I realized the damned thing was stuck in my thumb!! Then it became "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!  OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"  My thumb is still a little sore.  But anyway...

Marilyn laughed at me. 

She has this wonderful tinkling laugh and finds my exaggerations hilarious. She's patient and sits in her chair or lays on the table while I work frantically around prepping and primping her.  She's observant and those couple of times that I have put her on the dress form she totally comes alive!  My camera flashes, she smiles.  She knows how to charm, to tease, to sass.  She knows how to give enough hope that is is going to turn out perfect.  She reminds me that I just need to take a breath and continue to handle her with care.  It's all going to work out.

At the end of the day she kisses me goodnight and tells me, "Doll, tomorrow is going to be wonderful."  I have to believe her.  It is wonderful.  Those insecurities? Paper tigers.  And when I turn and find this little stalker, I know... all is well in my world: