Still Kicking

I'm still alive.

Stephanie's passing was an experience I wasn't quite ready for.  I needed to step back and center myself, do the soul-searching stuff, and focus/become involved with the here and now.  Here's a quick update of some of what I've been up to.

Since September I have been in 2 shows:

• For Halloween:  CatrinaQ's Sinister 2013.  Think Disney Princesses loosely meets The Rocky Horror Picture show.  I played Pocahontas in Act 1 and in Act 2, the Old Hag from Snow White (who we've affectionately come to know as Hagar.)  

• For Christmas:  CatrinaQ's Merry Glitzmas 2013.  It was a pretty straight forward Christmas show.  I sang Noel and Elvis' Santa Bring My Baby Back

I've decided to take up oil painting again on top of all the sewing I plan on doing so I'm going to be a very busy woman in 2014.    

Downtown Shabby Season 2 will be casting at the end of January, so I'm looking forward to that. 

I will definitely try to be more consistent with my writing in the coming year as I muse over life stuff.  

Stephanie

I spent the morning of Sunday, September 8, sewing a new costume for the next show I'll be doing come October.  I ran into a few snags.  The point of my Pocahontas skirt was curling up when I hemmed it.  I tried to iron it flat, but it just kept flipping up - like freaking elf shoes, but on a skirt!  How the heck was I supposed to fix that??  This was an incident I would have texted Stephanie about to get some quick help, but because of her condition I needed to manage on my own.

My sister and I got to visit Stephanie and Tyler on Thursday, the 5th, after work.  Although her body was extremely fragile, her muscles soft, her skin bruised, and her brain... confused, there were moments when she was completely alert and connected.  Even in that fragile state she made me laugh. When I sat next to her on the bed, she looked at me and said, "I peed there."  She was always so honest about things that would have embarrased other people.

Stephanie passed away on Sunday September 8, 2013 at 5:15pm.

When the realization hit that she was really gone I cried.  I'm still doing it.  I don't cry for her - I am relieved she's not suffering anymore.  I cry for Tyler who lost his love, his wife, and best friend.  I cry for her kids who lost an amazing mother who was soooo proud of them.  I cry out of anger and frustration because it doesn't make sense.  Why would God have given her that illness?  How could God take her?  Why would God take her so young?

I know there is no answer for all that right now.  And I know that there is a master plan at work that no one can see. I know it'll all make more sense in the future, but right now... right now, it sucks.  Right now, I wish God would have chosen a different cup to give her.  I still think if God was trying to teach us a lesson about life and love, there are thousands of other ways He could have done that, aren't there?  Was it only just so we could see God's hand working to clear the way for them during those odd moments of their struggle?  There are definitely a thousand other ways He could have shown us that. I know there's a reason He chose that woman to do it.  I just don't see it.  I don't understand it. But I trust it's there and will be revealed in time.

Tyler asked if I would speak at her memorial.  I am so thankful to him that I got to share my experience and thoughts about her.

I think it was 2006 when I met Stephanie. We met at El Camino College at a cutting table where she was studying Fashion Design and I was studying to become a Costume Tech. During the first few classes I found out she was an experienced seamstress and had an adorable little girl named Izzy. She shared my appreciation of historical and vintage costume, comic book heroines, videogames, and she liked doing math… for fun. Stephanie was a huge nerd, just like me. There was no doubt we had to become friends, even if the only time we had together was during class and lunch.

Then she started dating some guy named Tyler and apparently he hadn’t left her house for two weeks after their first date,… or something crazy.

They played World of Warcraft, while I stuck to Final Fantasy. Though I would never join the Horde or Alliance, I knew she was nerd enough to keep around. Besides,… I still needed someone I could go to for sewing advice.

Stephanie eventually got a full scholarship to FIDM and that confirmed that she really was a genius seamstress… And then she left FIDM… and that’s when I knew she crossed the line of genius and moved right into crazy town. I thought she was absolutely insane to let that free education go, especially with all of her talent! But it was that situation that let me know she was a devoted mother above anything else.

Then, Steph decided to get married. I’m pretty sure I told her weeks before the wedding that she still had time to get her running shoes and run far far away, that marriage was extremely hard work, but she was determined to get hitched. I guess she really liked that Tyler guy after all.

A little while later unique Harley Quinn was born, and then sweet baby Locke. To commit to naming their children after comic book and video game characters - I knew they were great parents and would raise the most awesome little weirdos in the world!

Time evolved, and though, for the most part, life kept us physically apart, we kept in touch via Myspace, then Facebook, and always the random text message. We could always share dark humor and text funny pictures to each other. I continued to use her as my personal sewing encyclopedia, and she’d let me vent to her about my struggles.

          With me, Steph knew how to be fair and forgiving. She was encouraging and open about her life experiences. Stephanie knew how to be brutally honest, but always delivered her point in love with her razor sharp wit.

          When she first told me she had Leukemia I didn’t really understand the magnitude until Tyler explained it at the hospital. Even then, I didn’t fully… get it, but I watched how they pulled together and stayed super-humanly positive. I just knew with all of my heart she was the one through whom I would see a real legitimate God-Blessed miracle; a real miracle along the lines of the deaf hearing and the blind seeing. I knew eventually she would be fully and totally healed and I would get to see that with my own eyes!

          Instead, I witnessed a true and passionate love. She once told me that when she was felt at her worst physically, when her muscles were atrophied and she couldn’t do much for herself… the way Tyler looked at her, the way he touched her, it made her feel like she was the most beautiful, the most desired, woman on the planet. My sister and I saw that look of love first hand during our mini-vacation in Las Vegas. It was… totally gross – I mean, amazing! It was really amazing.

          In Ty and Stephanie, I saw -- I see -- what true disciples and followers of Christ look like and they didn't have to say or preach Jesus' name once. I saw raw and honest faith. Faith that had them clinging to God when everything looked so bleak and they were terrified. Where others would have railed against God, or argued with Him about the injustice of it all, like I did,… they drew that much closer to Him. Instead of losing faith,… theirs grew. And they stayed positive through everything.

I listened to how they fully submitted themselves to the will of the Father. Even when it meant that she was going home.

Stephanie, I miss you. I’m so thankful you were a part of my life.

God took one of the really good ones, but I believe He left us with a great example of how to really grab and appreciate life no matter the circumstances, and how to really love others until we join her and everyone who goes before us.

Thank you.

So, thanks, you guys, for reading this post.  I hadn't really realized how much Stephanie had influenced me until I sat down and wrote about it. 

Also, I finished the Pocahontas costume.  It ended up straightening itself out once the weight of the trim settled in.  Even though I was crying the whole time I was sewing on the trim (thanks, Steph, you're fault.)

Downtown Shabby

It's been over a month since my last post.  I'm so lame.  But I promise it's for good reason.  I've been preoccupied preparing for a spoof musical that happened last night at the NoHo London Music Hall - "Downtown Shabby" as opposed to the PBS hit, "Downton Abbey".

As an adult this is my first musical theatre production. It was different from the normal cabaret/burlesque shows I've done in the sense that I actually had lines to learn this time around (and a line to FORGET! omg) I played Sarah O'Brien, personal maid to the Countess of Grantham, and ginormous gossip monger.

And here are O'Brien's boobies also known as "The Sisters". Weee.

If you know nothing about the show, the first episode begins the day after the Titanic sunk and is set in England. So, because it's set in England we had to learn to speak with English accents.  I learned mine from watching British Youtubers, like the makeup artist 'Pixiwoo' Sisters, and interviews with Henry...

Seriously, I learned a lot from watching his interviews. Especially how he says his "R's". Ah. Aah. Ahh.

(Oh, c'mon,... you knew I had to throw him in here somewhere.)

Anyway, along with learning "9 to 5", "Every Breath you Take" (and mixing up all them rhyming words on stage - breath fake stay take make cake bake shake take face.)  Even when it's perfect when you are singing alone, it all kinda gets jumbled up on stage when heavy nerves are involved), "One Less Bell to Answer", and a couple of other group numbers... add dance choreography and I was pretty much focused on nothing else.  

Nothing else except for sewing this corset:

Ta'daaaaa!

And here's the inside for your viewing pleasure.  I totally did the lining fabric just for me since it was a musical.

I wanted the corset the be multi-functional so I did a basic, and classic, sweetheart shape.  I also wanted a little bit of an edge so I added the front grommets.  For me it represents that little bit of hardness of spirit that O'Brien has. These also serve a different purpose as I can change the ribbon color there to suit my desires. So I can leave it empty and add a whip and leather for the dominatrix look, or a can add a powder puff pink ribbon to soften it up a bit.  

Here is a pic during the middle of the project when I was adding the boning channels.

Because I made this specifically for the stage where I knew I would be dancing and singing, I decided to experiment.  I didn't use the usual spring steel boning all over.  Instead I opted for macrame chord.  It helped with comfort of movement.  I only used the spring steel in the front next to the zipper and along the center back so the fabric and grommets holding the lacing in back wouldn't buckle.

Anyway.  I know you can't believe that I'm SUPER SHY and that taking to the stage is a traumatic experience to my poor nerves everytime.  It is! And yet, I still do it.  What can I say?  I'm a sucker for punishment. 

I'm thankful to my husband, family, and friends for supporting me with these things.  I'm so thankful to CatrinaQ for letting me do these shows with her.  It's fun doing these shows with friends and making new ones in the process.  It really is why they call these things "Plays".       

P.S. The afterglow of the show apparently is Oompa Loompa orange, but hey.... I'm smiling!

No Sewing, Just drawing

I think I mentioned last entry that I was commissioned to do a some cartoony drawings.  My customer-friend is in England and asked via the Facebook if I could do it for her.  Secretly THRILLED, I cooly responded, "Lemme work on something for you".  Ok, maybe I wasn't so cool. 

I've been sketching monsters, witches, dreamy vampire loverboys, cats. I even did a study of crossbows 'cause I didn't know what they looked like. I'm glad I did that - pretty sure the boy would not want to be found to be killing zombies with a cupid's bow, like a newb.

Here. Have the first monster that I drew, who is not included in the picture.

Now, about 2 weeks later, I have two awesome 11x14 inked drawings that need to be colored in.

I did my 'character' studies in my 8x10 sketchbook.  (Which, by the way, I drew Superman in it so everytime I open my sketchbook I am greeted with his beautiful face and a "Hey girl, hey."  Yeah.  I'm obsessed. Whatever.)  My 'character' studies are just quick sketches that I did of the kids from many photos to get an idea of their face shapes, distinct features, their expressions - just their general presense.  So I have a couple of pages filled with heads of these same kids. And monsters.  And cats. And crossbows.

I need more Superman. Hmmm. I'm not doing anything today and everyone is at Comicon - the bastards. Maybe I'll take myself to the movies and visit Mr. Cavill.  Hmmm. Perhaps.

This time I tried a new method. I have broken down larger pieces of work into small sections so that if I screw up I can fix and alter without ruining the whole picture.  Once I'm satisfied, I move everything onto the larger bristol sheet using my lightbox. (I LOVE BRISTOL PAPER, so wonderful.)   I am 100% happy with how the pictures have turned out so far.  I wish I could keep them black and white, however, I was asked for full color.  So that's what I'm going to do.

It's always the coloring part that really scares me though.  You do all this work, perfecting, inking, and then... you add color.  Color isn't forgiving.  Inking isn't forgiving either, but at least you can sometimes fix it with color. Color is FINAL.  I guess it's that finality which scares me.  There are no fixes once color is down, unless you start all over again.  And starting all over again means time lost.

Oh, you're probably wondering why I am freaking.  It's because this is completely old school art style.  All by hand.  Old school.  None of this digital magic, no clicky of the button erasies.

I've decided to fill it with Prismacolor pencils instead of watercolor paint or my new markers.  I love watercolor, but I use that for fairies.  And I'm not 100% comfortable with my markers yet, though I am positive they would have looked amazing.  I just don't wanna mess it up with an amateur marker hand. Besides Prismacolor pencils are a wonderful medium.  You can get really beautiful blends when you build up with them as they are oil based.  I'm excited that I'll finally be opening my new tin of pencils, too.  I've been on a roll with them as I was illustrating that little story I am writing. 

It's a tale for another day, but I have been writing a story that won't go away. I'm finally writing the book that I want to read.

Anyway, should I get permission to share the final drawing with you from my friend.  I will do so.

Have a wonderful day - - weekend, whatever you are doing.  As for me, I think I will visit my sketchbook.

I Made a #^@&%*! Hat

UGH.  Why is it after 9pm and still ninety-eight-thousand degrees?  Better yet, why was it a billion degrees today and someone decide to "save energy" and not turn on the central air?  Not even for an hour.  Don't look at me - I would have had this house at a comfortable temperature.

First world problems... I swear.

Well, along with me HATING the summer, I am certain my sewing muse ran away for cooler temperatures and left her dim-witted, one-armed, cock-eyed half sister in her stead.  At least that's what it felt like every single time I went to try and sew.

At first I thought I was going to do something simple; something to get me back into the groove of things, something easy like a floppy, summer-y, fisherman-y hat.  I even picked cute-ish fabric because I wasn't sure I was actually going to keep this thing for myself.  So, skulls and pink bows, what could be worse than that?  ("SUMMER TIME" my inner whiner yells.  STFU! We don't want to hear about it now, You.)

See, it ain't so bad.  Right?

WRONG!!  The damned thing was a freaking nightmare.  I told you my Sewing Muse upped and left me with that impostor.  The pattern wasn't fitting together (or I just wasn't sewing it right).  The crown fabric is pinched 'cause there was too much on top and the side band of the hat was WAY too tall.  It freaking looks like a top hat at the right angle.  &*^$@*^$*@&%!#^&^!!!

(I hate Summer.  Give me back my rain and winter!)

Can you see I am unimpressed with my new hat?

Well, I am.  Unimpressed.  Totally unimpressed and don't know what the hell to think besides "I HATE IT!!!"  And totally on the outs with my sewing muse for running off on me.  However, I am tempted to have another go at this hat.  Maybe with the right weather and a different fabric.  Maybe if my Sewing Muse ever comes back.  Maybe after we have the huge fight that's building up in my head.  Maybe after she apologizes... and repents!

Good thing my old friend, Hot Hand, snuck back into my life.  I have been drawing like a fiend.  I have been sketching and coloring and getting back into the groove of this art thing since Sewing Muse has been away.  (What should we call that wench, anyway?)  I have been drawing for at least an hour or more everyday lately.  Mostly quick sketches and movement drawings, just to get the feel of the pencil again, but it's getting better.

Here's a quick sketch of a picture I want to eventually paint with my oils.  (Yep, that's the bride.  Nope, no real pictures yet.  I was told they would be here in the next couple of weeks.)

Even better news - I was asked to do a couple of cartoony drawings for a friend of mine who lives 'Across the Pond.'  I'm still working out all the details and layouts for those.  It's such a cool challenge and I'm happy to do it.

If you know me... You know I do NOT do zombies. I don't like to see them, hear them, think about them, read about them. Zombies? NO! Do not want.  However, I have been drawing zombies.  (Only a friend and the delirium from this miserable heat could get me drawing zombies.)  Well, they aren't exactly the decaying monsters that I fear, these are more. . . . well. . . . sorta like . . . if Disney had a baby with Skeleton monsters.  Yeah.

Ok. I just hit the wall.  My brain just died.  I think that's enough of an update for now.

The heat has drained me.

I perish.

Muse not Present? Need a Distraction? Answer: Henry Cavill.

I wanted to be more regular with this thing with weekly posts with progress on garments, but I haven't been doing much sewing lately.  I've tried, but have been completely... uninspired.  It's almost like my sewing muse is depressed, on vacation, eloped, or something.  It's not for lack of ideas or fabrics because I have shelves of fabric and sketches upon sketches of things that I would eventually like to do.  But sewing?  Even corset construction (which is my heart) it just... It's not something that I'm finding much joy in.  It's just not been clicking.  And I know you have to push through the depression to get going, to get that momentum back.  I've started playing with design lines on Selena.  However, nothing is keeping up the momentum for me.  It's just not clicking.  There is no chemistry.

(Lines on Selena.  Trying to imagine the Inquisitor's Wife Dress)

I was asked to sew my husband a pair of cargo shorts, but the pattern I have is missing the ENTIRE front piece.  I don't think he would like it if I only sewed him pants that would cover just his butt.  Nobody wants to see that.

I know you are saying, "Just make your own pattern!"  Yeah, um, the only problem with that is that I've never sewn a fly zipper so I wouldn't know how to even start to fix a piece for the front pattern.

What's more?  I haven't even picked up a book lately.  I haven't read anything in about 2 weeks.  After the Inquisitor's Wife I read The Great Gatsby.  And,... meh.  I guess I'm not as big a book worm as I thought I was.  Maybe I should reread one of my favorite romance novels, see if it'll get my blood going again.  See, even just thinking about reading something I love and that little voice just said, "Meh."

Perhaps my brain is just taking a break from all this sewing and reading business.

I can't say that I'm depressed, because I don't think I am.  I'm not totally uninterested in everything like I normally get when I am depressed.  I've just been putting my energies elsewhere.  I've been writing a lot.  I've been bothered by a couple of stories that are fluttering around in my head so I've been recording the voices.  We'll see if any of them decide they actually want their whole story to be written and in what format.  One of them sounds like a novel and the other sounds like a screenplay.  I'm actually thankful that I took the Screenwriting class with Kim Krizan (author of Original Sins: Trade secrets of the Femme Fatale. <3 Great book and she's an amazing woman.)  I feel like if those voices decide they want a script... They'll get a script.  They just aren't screaming loud or clear enough right now.  I only hear their voices.  I don't know who they are or, really, what their point is.

I've also been drawing, a lot.  So it's not like I haven't been creative, I've just been practicing my creative skills elsewhere. I bought a couple sets of these Letraset Pro-Markers.  They are an interesting medium to use. It's the first time that I've ever really used markers seriously for anything.  I've done a few fashion sketches with them and I actually really LOVE the way it comes out.

(A sketch I've done of the dress I'll eventually make.  Maybe wear it for RenFaire or something.  I know her left arm is deformed short.)

What else?  I think I want to learn how to paint portraits with oil, but all the classes that I've seen in the area I'm unable to attend because of the time slots.  I'm usually working the hours they are available.  I have tried teaching myself in the past, but I wasn't successful.  I think I need to learn the basics from someone else.  I'm just not sure where to start, you know?  Maybe I'll just try again on my own.

Oh, another thing.  I saw Man of Steel.  Loved it.  Why, Yes, I'll be obvious, Superman is hawt!  He has been since I first saw him played by Christopher Reeve.  Man of Steel? I really enjoyed all the sci-fi, even if it at times totally reminded me of the Matrix. (Like the part near the end when Supes was dealing with that thing over the ocean. Totally Matrix look, but I didn't mind it.  The Matrix is one of my favorite movies.) The whole thing was definitely NOT what I expected, but I am glad they did it that way.  I've also been watching a lot of The Tudors on Netflix.  Husband knows my boyfriend is Henry Cavill.  (He's secretly been my bf since he was a boy in The Count of Monte Cristo, but shh.  Tell no one.)

(See? Handsome.)

 
Anyway, enjoy that eye candy for now.  We'll see what happens this week.  I might get back to sewing.

Ok, you can stop staring now.

Relax....

I haven't yet gotten good photos of Marilyn, so a post of that is still pending.

In the mean time I've been keeping myself busy sewing some lounge wear; and reading,.. a lot.  The garment I made is something that I plan on relaxing around the house in, when going to hang out at a pool, or even hanging out at the coffee shop on these beautiful summer nights.  It's a strapless jumpsuit.  I know!  WTF?  Right? I know.  I know you are thinking like 1970s disco diva jumpsuit, but it's not. I promise.  It's comfortable and it has pockets!!!

I got the fabric downtown months ago.  Again, I got it for like $5 or something awesome. I was planning on making some harem pants.  Don't worry-- not the saggy dirty diaper MC Hammer looking pants that came in style last year.  I'm talking Disney Princess Jasmine style, or pretty yoga pants type things.  This fabric is kinda see through in sunlight, but it's not THAT sheer. It's a very soft dark teal knit jersey.  When I say comfortable I mean, I NEVER want to change out of it, but that would be gross... so I do change.

I made it using and altering McCalls M6083 pattern.  I always have to add like 4 inches because I'm pretty long in the torso and my legs are about 2 inches longer than most patterns.  I refuse to sew myself high waters, so I adjust accordingly.

As it was in progress...

BAM!!! 

I guess I should start off with the mistakes. I should have added about 1.5 - 2 inches length to the waist.  I'm not 100% happy where it sits at my waist, but if I make something like these again in the future I'll know to add more.

Second, I accidentally cut one of the leg fronts on the wrong direction or the fabric, so if you look closely on one side the weave is going horizontal, the other the weave is vertical. Meh. It's comfortable.  It's meant to just hang out in and I made it for myself.  I don't care what my inner critic says.  I take it as a lesson learned:  Always check the fabric before cutting.

I also should have probably used a short zigzag stitch because the threads have popped and broke when I accidentally caught the hem on my toe.  A believe a zigzag stitch would allow for a bit of ease with this stretchy fabric.

Hooray for awkward self photos.

To be honest this is only the 2nd time that I've sewn with this kind of soft knit fabric.  The last time was 5 years ago -- or whenever it was that I was in school.  (Huh... I just realized I made the same mistake in cutting back then too... Ah well, next time I will remember to cut correctly.)

. . . I also just checked the date on my Costume Tech Certificate:  2008.  So, I guess I am still kinda new to this sewing thing.  Still a few years under 10 years actual experience.

Now books:

If you are in interested, I read my favorite book in the whole wide world, The Queen's Fool by Philippa Gregory, for like the 9th time and I cried at the same spot I cry at every single time I read it.  Yeah, my husband thought something was really wrong because I was sobbing like a child.  When he realized that I was crying over a book he started to laugh (and apologize) from his unbelief.  He really couldn't believe that I was so heart-broken, so moved to tears by it.  Damn you pages 370 and 371.  Yeah, I know it's coming every single time I read it, but every single time I am affected the same.  Every morning after I wake up with swollen tear filled eyes.  I'm thinking maybe it's because I am so invested and can so deeply relate to the protagonist.

I then read The Inquisitor's Wife by Jeanne Kalogridis in 2 days!  I did not want to put that book down.  The only reason I did was because I needed to sleep.  I absolutely loved the setting.  It was so rich, so tangible.  It made me want to trace my roots 'cause I know they go back to Spain somewhere.  (That's another project for the future.)

Next I'll be traveling to the 1920s through The Great Gatsby.  I don't plan on seeing the movie in theaters.

I'm mentioning The Inquisitor's Wife again because I fell in love with the cover.  I should say I fell in love with the dress on the cover, so.... it's possible I may be making myself a costume in the near future, just like I did with Vicki Pettersson's Celestial Blues books.

See, don't you love it too?  

I totally judged this book by it's cover and I'm glad I did.