Stephanie

I spent the morning of Sunday, September 8, sewing a new costume for the next show I'll be doing come October.  I ran into a few snags.  The point of my Pocahontas skirt was curling up when I hemmed it.  I tried to iron it flat, but it just kept flipping up - like freaking elf shoes, but on a skirt!  How the heck was I supposed to fix that??  This was an incident I would have texted Stephanie about to get some quick help, but because of her condition I needed to manage on my own.

My sister and I got to visit Stephanie and Tyler on Thursday, the 5th, after work.  Although her body was extremely fragile, her muscles soft, her skin bruised, and her brain... confused, there were moments when she was completely alert and connected.  Even in that fragile state she made me laugh. When I sat next to her on the bed, she looked at me and said, "I peed there."  She was always so honest about things that would have embarrased other people.

Stephanie passed away on Sunday September 8, 2013 at 5:15pm.

When the realization hit that she was really gone I cried.  I'm still doing it.  I don't cry for her - I am relieved she's not suffering anymore.  I cry for Tyler who lost his love, his wife, and best friend.  I cry for her kids who lost an amazing mother who was soooo proud of them.  I cry out of anger and frustration because it doesn't make sense.  Why would God have given her that illness?  How could God take her?  Why would God take her so young?

I know there is no answer for all that right now.  And I know that there is a master plan at work that no one can see. I know it'll all make more sense in the future, but right now... right now, it sucks.  Right now, I wish God would have chosen a different cup to give her.  I still think if God was trying to teach us a lesson about life and love, there are thousands of other ways He could have done that, aren't there?  Was it only just so we could see God's hand working to clear the way for them during those odd moments of their struggle?  There are definitely a thousand other ways He could have shown us that. I know there's a reason He chose that woman to do it.  I just don't see it.  I don't understand it. But I trust it's there and will be revealed in time.

Tyler asked if I would speak at her memorial.  I am so thankful to him that I got to share my experience and thoughts about her.

I think it was 2006 when I met Stephanie. We met at El Camino College at a cutting table where she was studying Fashion Design and I was studying to become a Costume Tech. During the first few classes I found out she was an experienced seamstress and had an adorable little girl named Izzy. She shared my appreciation of historical and vintage costume, comic book heroines, videogames, and she liked doing math… for fun. Stephanie was a huge nerd, just like me. There was no doubt we had to become friends, even if the only time we had together was during class and lunch.

Then she started dating some guy named Tyler and apparently he hadn’t left her house for two weeks after their first date,… or something crazy.

They played World of Warcraft, while I stuck to Final Fantasy. Though I would never join the Horde or Alliance, I knew she was nerd enough to keep around. Besides,… I still needed someone I could go to for sewing advice.

Stephanie eventually got a full scholarship to FIDM and that confirmed that she really was a genius seamstress… And then she left FIDM… and that’s when I knew she crossed the line of genius and moved right into crazy town. I thought she was absolutely insane to let that free education go, especially with all of her talent! But it was that situation that let me know she was a devoted mother above anything else.

Then, Steph decided to get married. I’m pretty sure I told her weeks before the wedding that she still had time to get her running shoes and run far far away, that marriage was extremely hard work, but she was determined to get hitched. I guess she really liked that Tyler guy after all.

A little while later unique Harley Quinn was born, and then sweet baby Locke. To commit to naming their children after comic book and video game characters - I knew they were great parents and would raise the most awesome little weirdos in the world!

Time evolved, and though, for the most part, life kept us physically apart, we kept in touch via Myspace, then Facebook, and always the random text message. We could always share dark humor and text funny pictures to each other. I continued to use her as my personal sewing encyclopedia, and she’d let me vent to her about my struggles.

          With me, Steph knew how to be fair and forgiving. She was encouraging and open about her life experiences. Stephanie knew how to be brutally honest, but always delivered her point in love with her razor sharp wit.

          When she first told me she had Leukemia I didn’t really understand the magnitude until Tyler explained it at the hospital. Even then, I didn’t fully… get it, but I watched how they pulled together and stayed super-humanly positive. I just knew with all of my heart she was the one through whom I would see a real legitimate God-Blessed miracle; a real miracle along the lines of the deaf hearing and the blind seeing. I knew eventually she would be fully and totally healed and I would get to see that with my own eyes!

          Instead, I witnessed a true and passionate love. She once told me that when she was felt at her worst physically, when her muscles were atrophied and she couldn’t do much for herself… the way Tyler looked at her, the way he touched her, it made her feel like she was the most beautiful, the most desired, woman on the planet. My sister and I saw that look of love first hand during our mini-vacation in Las Vegas. It was… totally gross – I mean, amazing! It was really amazing.

          In Ty and Stephanie, I saw -- I see -- what true disciples and followers of Christ look like and they didn't have to say or preach Jesus' name once. I saw raw and honest faith. Faith that had them clinging to God when everything looked so bleak and they were terrified. Where others would have railed against God, or argued with Him about the injustice of it all, like I did,… they drew that much closer to Him. Instead of losing faith,… theirs grew. And they stayed positive through everything.

I listened to how they fully submitted themselves to the will of the Father. Even when it meant that she was going home.

Stephanie, I miss you. I’m so thankful you were a part of my life.

God took one of the really good ones, but I believe He left us with a great example of how to really grab and appreciate life no matter the circumstances, and how to really love others until we join her and everyone who goes before us.

Thank you.

So, thanks, you guys, for reading this post.  I hadn't really realized how much Stephanie had influenced me until I sat down and wrote about it. 

Also, I finished the Pocahontas costume.  It ended up straightening itself out once the weight of the trim settled in.  Even though I was crying the whole time I was sewing on the trim (thanks, Steph, you're fault.)